As I continue reflecting on what meditation has brought me, I realize that is has allowed and continues to allow me to come into contact with reality itself as opposed to my interpretations of it. You see, the mind is a constant barrier to experiencing ''what simply is''. Its incessant commentary, judgments, and criticisms of what it experiences prevents me from simply being with what is in the moment, whether pleasant or unpleasant. Because, in the end, it does not really matter whether the experience is pleasant or not, if I am not caught up in my mind’s commentary of it, everything that I experience is quite tolerable.
For example, I have been struggling with feelings of loneliness lately – and by lately I mean for the past two years or so – given some changes in my life circumstances. And, well, my mind hates that feeling. It resists it with all its might and tells me I am not capable of handling it, that it is too painful. It shares with me its fears that this feeling will last forever should my life circumstances not change or enjoys comparing my current situation with those of others who do not seem to be in the same boat. Sounds familiar maybe? 😅
We are all quite familiar with these patterns of mind, whether it be for similar circumstances as mine or very different ones. Hence, it is only in those moments when I close my eyes, take a deep breath, and allow that feeling to be present while bringing my awareness to my mind’s commentary, and to the tensions in my body, that I am finally able to get my head above water. The heaviness of this feeling becomes lighter, the fear subsides, the self-deprecation dissolves, even though the experience of pain remains.
And those moments help me realize that I can get through anything. That I am the only one in my way and that it is completely unjust to blame exterior factors for not providing me with what I believe would make my happy. Because, for one thing, who am I to demand of life anything or to determine what it should or should not do for me? Moreover, my mind does not seem to be happy even in the face of positive life circumstances as it tends to focus mainly of what is still lacking or on how I may lose what I have. Sounds familiar again? With my mind, there really is no winning 😛
Hence, I meditate because I am committed to living a life that is truly fulfilling which means I want to be present for it. I want to show-up for it fully, despite how difficult that can be and despite all the efforts it takes. To simply experience life, what can be more satisfying than that?
As I am sitting here writing, I am listening to a beautiful song in the background and feeling the beauty of simply experiencing it for what it is. These moments of freedom from my mind’s interpretations allow me to feel truly alive and to feel the inherent joy of simply existing, the miracle of simply being.
For example, I have been struggling with feelings of loneliness lately – and by lately I mean for the past two years or so – given some changes in my life circumstances. And, well, my mind hates that feeling. It resists it with all its might and tells me I am not capable of handling it, that it is too painful. It shares with me its fears that this feeling will last forever should my life circumstances not change or enjoys comparing my current situation with those of others who do not seem to be in the same boat. Sounds familiar maybe? 😅
We are all quite familiar with these patterns of mind, whether it be for similar circumstances as mine or very different ones. Hence, it is only in those moments when I close my eyes, take a deep breath, and allow that feeling to be present while bringing my awareness to my mind’s commentary, and to the tensions in my body, that I am finally able to get my head above water. The heaviness of this feeling becomes lighter, the fear subsides, the self-deprecation dissolves, even though the experience of pain remains.
And those moments help me realize that I can get through anything. That I am the only one in my way and that it is completely unjust to blame exterior factors for not providing me with what I believe would make my happy. Because, for one thing, who am I to demand of life anything or to determine what it should or should not do for me? Moreover, my mind does not seem to be happy even in the face of positive life circumstances as it tends to focus mainly of what is still lacking or on how I may lose what I have. Sounds familiar again? With my mind, there really is no winning 😛
Hence, I meditate because I am committed to living a life that is truly fulfilling which means I want to be present for it. I want to show-up for it fully, despite how difficult that can be and despite all the efforts it takes. To simply experience life, what can be more satisfying than that?
As I am sitting here writing, I am listening to a beautiful song in the background and feeling the beauty of simply experiencing it for what it is. These moments of freedom from my mind’s interpretations allow me to feel truly alive and to feel the inherent joy of simply existing, the miracle of simply being.
Comments
Post a Comment