This evening, I felt very
compelled to write about the topic of "self-esteem"
as it pertains to the spiritual path, given some very difficult times that I
had gone through these past few months on my own journey.
Indeed, these past few months
have opened my eyes in understanding the essential role of "self-esteem"
in spiritual growth. Now when I say "self-esteem" I am referring to something
much deeper than the psychological use of the term. I am adopting this term as defined
by spiritual mystic Caroline Myss, who views self-esteem as the degree
to which you embrace the core power
inherent in you in order to lead a life that is free of self-betrayal.
Hence, the past few months took
me on a journey to find that power and what I found so excruciatingly difficult
about that process was that I had to face how lost I felt in finding that power
on my own. I realized, more so than ever before, how I tended to depend on
others to feel powerful and, in so doing, renounced my own potentiality to
co-create my reality. Hence, I ultimately had to face my greatest fear, to find
that power ALONE, and in order to do so, I had to undergo a very painful
process of truly looking at myself, deeply and completely, so as to come to
shed old wounds and old unhealthy mind patterns.
Through this very painful process,
I realized that no matter how many amazing people were there to support me, I
needed to be able to stand on my own two feet if I was going to completely
allow this transformation to occur. I, alone, was to become my own lifeboat and
I, alone, had to strap myself into this lifeboat when intense waves of fears
and insecurities emerged.
I realize now that these past few months had
been an invitation from life, asking me to choose. To decide to either remain
in victimhood or to choose empowerment. To choose courage. To choose to finally
let go of all these stories and ideas that I have been buying into about
myself. And to do this completely on my own, for nobody else but me, without
expecting others to recognize these shifts or to applaud me for it. To do so in
grace and in silence.
Well I am breaking the silence a
little to tell you that I have chosen. And that I am on my way. Finally
standing on my own two feet.
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