My Path to Finding Abundance

‘’Abundance isn’t about having anything. It is a relationship to being alive that doesn’t require anything in particular.’’ – Jeff Carreira

I absolutely love this quote…it is something that I have to remind myself of everyday and an attitude that I am more successfully adopting in my life at present. 

After years of searching and trying to figure out the true secret of happiness, I realize that happiness is fundamentally an inner attitude in which you are able to recognize the fullness and goodness of life right now, in this moment, in a radical way that does not leave any place for exceptions.

You see, there will always be a reason to pay attention to what is lacking in your life. And, in case you haven’t noticed, there will ALWAYS be something that your mind perceives is lacking! And if you wait until nothing is lacking to let yourself experience this ‘’fullness of life’’, you will ultimately wait forever because I know of no human mind that does not come up with yet another thing that is missing or that is not OK. Do you?

As meditation teacher Jeff Carreira so eloquently puts it: “Believing that abundance will come later also means simultaneously believing that abundance isn’t possible now. And that will never change. There will always be a later. There will always be something else to do.”

I know this may sound like a cliché, but turning 30 has really hit me hard, in the hardest and most beautiful way. I am now more aware than ever of my own mortality and the mortality of those that I love & I am feeling this urge to not waste any more time being caught up in my head – in the worries, insecurities and preoccupations that have taken up way too much precious time in my life already. Also, after 30 years of experimentation, I cannot be more convinced that happiness does not  come from external factors but primarily from one’s inner attitude and faith.

And faith, to me, is what I feel when I am meditating. That space underneath all the thoughts where everything feels peaceful and safe. That space that is always already there, that follows me with every breath and with every beat of my heart. That space that I connect to when I let go of my psychological barriers and allow myself to feel deeply connected to the world around me.

That space is always there….it is my cradle, where I find my strength when I feel overwhelmed by life’s challenges. It is a reminder that everything is always OK. That abundance and fullness is always there, in every moment.

Now, you may be reading this and thinking “Yes but this seems so hard, do you have any idea what I am going through right now!” I hear you, I have been there…and I still go there very often.

But the truth is that this kind of work, I believe, is the hardest, bravest and most rewarding work you can do for yourself. It is the bravest thing you can do to not wait for someone to save you or for your life to fit your definition of good. It is the bravest thing you can do to question the obvious, to go deep into the depths & recesses of your soul to find the answers that you seek. In my case, it took lots of Kleenex boxes, chocolates, frizzy hair, and – luckily – a few wonderful people who were there to stick it through with me and support me.  But, even if they were there, they could not do this work for me. And for a long time, I wished they could.

I wish they could just give me all the answers and take this pain away. But they couldn’t. I had to go through it completely on my own, with the recognition that nobody could face the darkness I had to face … they could only cheer me on in the background.

It is only by doing this work, however, that I have been able to truly experience for myself the inherent fullness and goodness of life. 

Abundance arose when I was truly ready to surrender to life.

And now, this space that I find in meditation is with me everyday. It feels like a whisper in the wind that caresses my cheek when I am faced with hardship. It is so subtle; I know I can sometimes miss it if I pay attention to my negative thoughts. But it is always there, unfailing in its beauty, unconditionally loving, and a constant reminder that I am never alone and that I have never been alone. How ironic, that I had to go through some dark times “alone” to find out I truly wasn’t. Life has a funny sense of humour doesn’t it?

So, if this applies to you and you are going through some tough times and showing up for it fully, I want to say that you are the bravest person I know. And that I am so proud of you. And that it will so totally be worth it … just wait this out and keep listening to that whisper in the wind. 

You might just uncover the abundance that has always been there, in the fabric of every moment...

“Sometimes the light gets in and I'm more than this skin.” – Gemma Troy